Truthfully. I don’t know, but it’s been two days in a row that I feel like I’m dying a little inside :/ all I can think is that I need to stop this madness with you and find something real, but I know I can’t get you out of my head. 😔 I’m kinda welling up with tears as I write it but it’s literally eating up at me at the fact that you’re an eligible Jewish lady to marry, and it now seems you have no special love of me aside for the physical aspect. I feel like I work really, really hard to give you everything I can and to make you want me, but it’s just not being accepted anymore… I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, I’m just trying to voice my feelings and tell you what is going through this thick skull of mine.
It’s been a good run, going on somewhere around the region of one and a half years of on and off relationship with you. Your companionship was a haven for my happiness and peace of mind, which other than very short times throughout the week, has no real place in my life (it seems).
And then I try, albeit very hard, to contemplate the various one-liners I’ve been taught through childhood to Yeshiva… And they fail me. They’ve always failed me, minus the momentarily momentous moments which have *almost* all but faded to the stardust. Where is it that I’ve gone wrong?