Will I Ever Forgive And Forget?

Ever since I remember I loved to write. I’ve been through an extreme difficult childhood. I was abused several times and trusted no one. My only outlet was my pen. Until I went to camp and met C.

C was a year older than me. She was very charismatic and only said things that made sense. She made it her personal mission to destroy me. She would mock me in front of everybody else. She would bully me every day. Every night I would lay in bed and write about my day. I would cry my heart out. I had no friends, she made sure of it.

Then one day C saw my diary. She made sure to tell everyone about it and shared how immature I was. That was the last thing I wanted. With a quick goodbye to my diary I pushed it into my suitcase and never opened it again.

I must say that C succeeded in her mission. I left camp completely destroyed. Every ounce of me was shattered. And worse than all I had lost my diary. I could no longer write. The words were just stuck in my head. All I was able to do was cry. I would cry every single night until I felt relieved and fell asleep.

Years passed and I still can’t write. C succeeded to kill the writer in me. But Hashem gave me courage. Courage to come out of a deep depression and start living again. Courage to get married and fight that voice in my head that so strongly said that I can’t. Courage to rebuild my life with new hope. I am forever grateful for all that he has done.

I still have my struggles. Every few days, C’s voice would show up and haunt me reminding me that I’m a failure. I need to work hard to fight it. I look forward to the day when I will finally stand on my own and do what’s right without any struggles. I pray to Hashem to forgive C soon.

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