Today I Said Goodbye

Today I said goodbye.

To someone who laughed in my face.
Who questioned my reasons
and my ability. Repeatedly.
Today I wished farewell to a man who poked fun.
Who teased me in public
and pretended we were friends.
I often questioned why.
Wondered aloud what I’d done.
But I never received answers.

Today I said goodbye.

And it was hard.
Because not all days were bad.
Some days were really great.
Some ups were generous and memorable,
Found me laughing wholeheartedly.
Wondering if maybe I am crazy.

Today I said goodbye.

But first, I wrote a long letter.
Patiently, I shared my thoughts
And wished for peace.
For success and for joy.
I wished farewell wholeheartedly
to a man who poked fun
And teased me in public.
Refused to understand my pain.

I shared my heavy heart with him numerous times.
Said I was being harassed.
That my anxiety was growing because of it.
That I feared every day of being bullied again.
I sought answers
from a man everyone else respected.
But his humor was hard to beat.
And so I laughed too.
Because maybe it truly was
– is –
all
just a stupid,
Comical,
Ludicrous and overrated
situation.
A bunch of them really.

Today I said goodbye.

I wish I had the courage however
to say
F.U.
As I hugged a man
More boss than friend
More manager than leader
More enabler…
moving upward
While I remain stuck.
And scared of what Monday will bring.

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