I am a porn addict. There, I said it.
I have told a few close friends but no one else knows or suspects anything wrong, including my wife and family. Over the years I have learned all the tricks to be a functioning addict, which it really is- an addiction.
The differences between chemical ones like a drug or alcohol dependence are profound when it comes to the chemical substances, but truly, in my opinion, porn is in the same category and comes with its own host of terrible consequences. The high from the dopamine hit from an orgasm induced via porn is so easily available, it is analogous to an extremely wealthy drug user or alcoholic, money isn’t an issue. All you need is a phone and an internet connection and boom, you have your fix. I have gotten mine amid almost any scenario you can think of and it shames me deeply. I have suffered at school, work, synagogue, while travelling, social events, you name it, and I have probably done it.
I have tried so many times to get help and quit but how do you quit something which is as accessible as water in today’s world? The shame is unbearable and I know both how much I stand to lose if it keeps up, and how much I can gain from truly quitting. At this time I don’t know where to turn to other than this Neshamas post but if you’re reading this, pray for me and my porn-riddled soul to find help and healing from this horrible addiction.