The Rules Of Engagement

“Mazel Tov, I’m engaged!”

These words I dread
These words haunt me
Chasing me day by day
Appearing by surprise
Leaving me vulnerable
And taking from me those I love
“He’s amazing”
I’m so happy for you
“He went to a great Yeshiva”
That’s so nice
“He’s genuine and understanding”
I’m so happy for you
I’m so happy for you
These tears?
They are tears of joy I “assure” you
I’m so happy for you
I’m happy for you, I promise!
Also, I miss you so much already
“Mazel Tov, I’m engaged”
Aka Goodbye my friend
I know you would deny it
I know you don’t believe in it
“It” meaning moving on from our friendship
But that’s the reality
Even though we were so close
Even though I let you see the parts of my life that I’ve never let anyone else see
You have now moved on
You’ve moved on to the next stage in your life
And I just “won’t understand”
You’re right
I don’t understand
I can’t comprehend joy yet
Or happiness
Or love
But I’m so happy for you.
I might be dying inside,
And crying tears of “maybe joy”
But don’t mistake my smile for pain
Even though that’s all I feel
I really am happy for you
And I’m not sad for me
I’m just going to really miss you, my friend
“Mazel Tov, I’m engaged!”
….Ouch.

1 Comment

  1. Beth March 29, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    This is really so true. I got married at 34 so you can imagine I went through a lot of friends’ engagements before mine. And almost all the relationships changed. Which I understand, now that I’m married myself. But that doesn’t make it any easier to endure. Hugs.

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