The Confusion Of Incest

My adoration for him was the moon and sun,
The sky and earth.

Even after my my blocked memories resurfaced,
And my seething anger ceased,
I still saw him,
Through those bright blue eyes,
And blue Bais Yaakov uniform.

He was still my special brother,
The one who protected me.
The one who loved me.

Only me.

But,
He was only a little boy.
A child,
Who ran around spitting at girls,
And throwing a football with his friends.

He was only a little boy,
Who called “Girls go to jupiter to get more stupider,
Boys go to mars to get superstars”.

He was only a little boy,
Who wanted love.
Attention.
Affection.
Love.
But did not know how to get it.

He was only a little boy,
Who like me,
Knew it was wrong,
But did not know it was bad.

He was only a little boy,
Who knew enough to tell me to keep it a secret,
But not enough to know that this secret,
Would kill the person he loved one day.

He was only a little boy,
Who was taught girls should be modest,
And boys have their modesty too.
But,
That undressing with his younger sister,
Is not okay.

He was only a little boy,
Who really didn’t know anything at all.

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