Stuck

Stuck in a moment
In an ideal
In a wish

I never thought I would be this old
I never knew I would be this complex

Headphone wires that refuse
to come apart
and so you just leave them in a heap of frustration
I never dreamt I would become untangled
I never realized I was this stuck

Visions of a child being loved
Of a child being cherished
Pictures of warmth
and of safety
Of light hearted joy and shallow worries
A child free of the world’s tangled wires
A child, free.

But I am an adult, stuck.
I don’t know if I ever was that free child that I see.
I remember a different setting.
Hospitals and yelling
and pressure and expectations.
And fear and force
and freezing
I remember plenty
But I don’t remember when one blended into the other

When did the child who dreamed
of being free
become the adult
who is stuck

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