So I went through the shidduch system. I was told as we all were, this was the ideal way to get married for all reasons.
We have been married ten years now and I can confess – I do not love my wife. We get on and have learned to avoid each other’s trigger points, she says she loves me but it is not returned. I wonder how much of this is down to sex.
You see, she just doesn’t seem to have the drive, the need to have sex – ever! (except one night when she was pregnant with our second – that was a great night, love pregnancy hormones).
But otherwise nothing. She “lets me” have sex with her. She will lie there or if I ask, she will heave a sigh and go on top with a lackluster motion, no energy. She has orgasms if I go down on her, but she never asks me to do it, never expresses the NEED for sexual release.
It’s so frustrating. I just always wonder if there was a way I could have known beforehand. Could I have asked on a shidduch “have you ever masturbated?” her answer would have been no, btw. How can you get married at 21 and never have experienced an orgasm in your life? How has the need never struck you?!
What about fantasy? Can you ask a girl what her sexual fantasy is? But do you know how upsetting it is to ask your wife and for her to say “I don’t really have any!” Even when I go away for a month business trip, I have to beg for a sext or picture and even then, I have to choreograph it because she has no clue. Could you have asked that on a shidduch?