I will begin by saying that I experience mental instabilities, and take an anti-depressant, mood-stabilizers, and an anti-psychotic. I work with a therapist weekly, meet my psychiatrist monthly, attend two recovery programs, and read all I can about self-care and mental illness.
I’ve been religious for several years, but in much pain for a lot longer. Judaism won’t satisfy my needs, recovery won’t heal my wounds, and opening up to people only leaves me raw and feeling even more broken. What I yearn for is a miracle; one that will ground me and imbue me with hope for a better tomorrow. What I need is for the voices to quiet in my mind. What I crave is for someone to answer all my queries about G-d and mitzvoth and put me back on track religiously.
“G-d, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
What I want are my prayers answered.