I don’t think people realize just how painful sexual abuse truly is. I have gotten the strangest remarks by people close to me. There was one woman who told me “My other friends have been abused and they ‘got over’ it”. What is that supposed to mean? All I know is what I hear. All I know is that what I hear is what survivor after survivor hears when they are told such things. I heard, you have no right to your process in healing. It must be quick. Fasten up the pace. Her intentions were pure. The pain on her face obvious to me. Please stop suffering, she silently begged. I can’t stand to see you in any more pain. Her expression said one thing, but her words another. I was in limbo, confused at how I should react. I stood there silently and walked out the door.
I walked out the door because
She just couldn’t understand the pain
Of years of tears shed in pillow,
Of innocence stolen at the break of dawn,
Of doubting your virginity over and over again,
Because, for heaven’s sake
You just can’t remember.
I walked out that door for every person who didn’t support me
For the time I was betrayed by almost every single friend I desperately needed.
They betrayed me
Walked out my door when I was in tears begging for someone to understand
For someone to hold me.
But I held on, And I stayed.
Because of one friend,
Who stroked my hair and let me cry,
Who listened to my story over and over as I was discovering it myself.
I stayed because I love myself.
I stayed because God loves me,
I stayed because no matter how much they don’t understand my pain,
And that is all I really need.