My Scars

I cut because I feel too much
Too much pain
too much sorrow
I’m overwhelmed by my emotions
They seem to be quite manic; out of control
I need to give them something
Something real
Not fake like everything else I surround myself with
Not the fake that I choose to believe in day in and day out
Something tangible, to hold on to, to not be forgotten, to be validated
Like punching your fist through the wall and watching all of the dust particles collect on the floor beneath you
Like throwing your cellphone so hard on the pavement it shatters into a million pieces
Yes, there is eventually regret, but it does not outweigh the immediate release
the power of the moment
The justification of it all

Flip the coin

I bleed because I need
I need to feel
I need to know I am still alive inside this empty shell
It gets to the point that I just don’t give a damn anymore
I don’t feel the pain , the anguish, my desires are a flame put out before it’s time
my future seems as meaningless as reliving my past
I’m neither here nor there, lost somewhere in between
Like a soul with no goal, longing to feel grounded, feel something
And so
I feel
I feel the initial sting
The burn
The droplets of blood surfacing from my newly raw skin
I can finally take a breathe
I am still alive
I am still here

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