Mother

Cw child abuse and domestic abuse references.

A poem.
Probably crap.
First i wrote in a while.

Mother
What does it even mean
It’s certainly not what you did for me
Today i looked at the date
And saw
It’s your birthday
Something inside me is shouting
Don’t ignore it
Do something
And so i’m writing this
A very un happy birthday
With wishes full of sticks and bones
Which you always said are more painful than words
But your words
Your actions
Trust me, they are
So painful.
Almost makes me wish
Like they were real
So I’d have no doubt
That you were truly
Evil
Abusive
Manipulative
Horrible
But i get gaslighted
By those who know you
Who say there’s two sides
To every story
And they can’t take mine
Or yours
But they are.
And his.
How can you?
Supposedly you divorced
To stop dad’s abuse of me
Or maybe it was just a way
To make me indebted to you
Because if you hated abuse so much
Why do you stand with my abuser
Why do you pardon his behavior
Why do you accept his lies
And believe that i left him no choice
But to threaten me with a knife
You pretend to be this loving
Mother
Grandmother
Friend
But you’re a sick psychopath
And yet
Part of me mourns this mother
That i never really had
And tries to figure out
Just how to be
A mother to my kids
How to know what things you did
Are things i should strive to be
Because you weren’t all bad
Or were you
I’m confused
A very not
Happy
Birthday to you
Mommy
Mother
Hated.
Loved.
Confused.

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1 Comment

  1. Anonymous February 23, 2019 at 3:21 pm

    Gosh…this is so incredibly intense.
    ….may you get to be blessed with inner peace, always

    Reply

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