Judah The Macabee

When you own yourself
You own the world said a rationalist who gave up chassidus for the responsibilities of the secular world
Of looking good and dressing swell
Marrying a so called atheist
And not believing in hell
Drinking wine with philosophy
While taking pictures in Santa Monica
His life became hedonistic
As his mentors preached life should be

The way of the intellectual
Is supreme to any other religious devotion
Any inch of connection to a higher source
Is considered Nazism and communism together
He nodded in half disbelief

And so he lived day after day
Hungry for something
That no longer had a reason

And so he searched
Like the protagonist in the Alchemist
In libraries, in peoples, and in temples
For something to arouse within

Until he had a kid through the wife who bore him
And he channeled love like a father does
Unconditional love that was beyond
reason and time

Without logic he loved her
With kisses and hugs
He shined his heart to her
Vulnerability at his core
He exposed himself to be nothing but a bore

And so she squealed
In perfect delight
At his simplicity
At his delicateness with which he paid her attention
And channeled his Yiddish “ish”nesz
That pickled him a little more
A small niggun
A kiss on the keppy

And a father daughter dance
That invigorated the Neshama of his Id
Who strangely felt alone
In his Hollywood bowl
Of life

Fish bowl that is
Where everyone looked at him with power
Like he was a pioneer
Embarking on a journey untold
By those insular Jews who just laughed and scoffed
But do their body no good
With smoking and alcohol

I am going to be different
He cried
As he looked down at her Asian eyes
He promised her he would enlighten those who feared detachment
From the ways of old
Which traumatized him until this day
Of his cold parents love
Of his siblings rivalry
And his rebbes who never knew
more than the Aleph Beis
A sicha or a simple tune

I will be different he cried
As he started a new group
Of spiritually enlightened ones
Who would turn the tides
processing theology by flipping dimes
And questioning the promises of rabbis who preached narcissistic mysticism

He remembered
When his friend chose extensive prayer over a job
He could no longer respect those who consider themselves devoted to a Rebbe
Without being first devoted to taking care of themselves
As moral beings who are responsible for their lives of liberty, health and happiness

I will be different he said
When he began falling in love with models
On the beach
Who beckoned him with their soft eyes
Of the unattainable
And their bodies screamed for more

And so he played along
Claiming he was unique
Wild enough for their rudimentary suggestions
And crazy enough to empower other people
To leave the sinister lives of a community
Where the public only
See what it wants to see
But covers up lies, abuse and pornography that sits behind bookshelves of the ancient texts and holy muses
At the cost of the klal
That were now not holy anymore
But deemed righteous just from their position on the shelves
For guests who walked in through the outside door

And so he cried I will be different
As he landed in the elevator on
The 49th floor
He stood next to the most god fearing person
Who radiated energy
Unlike he had ever seen

It’s impossible yet he saw with his own eyes
The power of higher suggestion
Of hiddenness
Of the subtlety of the Divine mission
Which lay open for his licking
And tickling too

And so he cried forever more
Until the elevator door opened

And he followed his heart
His mind’s eye
To the wizard of daat he went
And sought spiritual peace
At all costs.

And so he lived. And became Judah the Maccabee.

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1 Comment

  1. Anonymous November 5, 2017 at 7:52 pm

    A rollercoaster of emotions. Wow


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