It’s Just Porn

I am a regular Chabad bochur, and I don’t get the obsession with porn.
Let me clarify: I don’t get what is the special aveira of porn.

As far as I’m concerned, the Torah prohibits someone from deriving pleasure / arousing oneself from anything – regardless if the woman (let’s say) is fully dressed or completely nude.

It is fully possible for someone to have the same pleasure or enjoyment from browsing modern day regular pictures just as x-rated ones.

Based on that, if the browser filters pushed to deter from watching porn are based on religion, it’s pointless unless you block every normal site as well.

This isn’t a new taivo or a new problem, it’s just manifested itself in a new Medium.

Mashpiim, Rabbis, whomever:
The are legitimate cases to be made uniquely against porn based on health, addiction, relationships, etc…, but, imho, it’s the same issue as gazing at woman in the street.

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8 Comments

  1. Anonymous August 30, 2017 at 11:36 am

    Although I suspect you would be ok with your daughter walking down the street, but not being in a porn film?

    Reply
  2. Menachem August 31, 2017 at 9:50 am

    After installing a filter on my phone, I’ve never gone to check out underwear models as an alternative #justsaying

    Reply
  3. Same same but different September 7, 2017 at 5:21 pm

    If I understood you well, you say that watching porn isn’t problematic, since it is equal to watching women on the street. In the sense that the same way seeing a woman can arouse pleasure, so too can porn.

    But come to think of that watching a “woman on the street” to derive sexual please may be problematic. The fact that seeing women is not problematic, doesn’t justify that watching them for pleasure isn’t, and even more so that watching porn isn’t.

    Is it normal to derive sexual pleasure from seeing a woman? Of course it is. That is the way Hashem created men (and vice versa for women).
    This is a taiva that an Oived works on like on any other taiva.

    Seeing a woman isn’t a taiva, it’s a daily event.
    Watching a woman can sometimes be a taiva, if it’s for certain intentions.
    And watching porn too.

    Here comes another aspect:
    Watching women for pleasure is a lack of tznius of the machshava – in the mind. And watching porn is a lack of tznius of machshava – in the mind and eyes.

    Is a lack in tznius problematic? Yes it is.
    Does it happen? Yes it does.
    Is it impossible to overcome? No it’s not. It requires avoida.
    Some things that help is watching/listening to speakers/mashpiim you like, reading books on pure topics like iBelieve or even a book on surviving in URSS. Listening to daled bavos or your favorite nigun gaaguim.
    And… Two other things. Writing down your thoughts and feelings and questions in a journal, and imaging your future life. Where do you want to be in 10 years?
    This will bring to really thinking about real stuff.

    All that being said… I am a regular Chabad girl who has had similar kind of struggles. Listen to manis Friedman. Realize it’s pointless and causes damage. Work on yourself and get over it. You’ll love your wife more.
    Hatzlacha bro.

    Reply
    1. Anonymous September 20, 2017 at 5:05 pm

      Thank you for reaching out.

      I wasn’t trying to justify porn use; I was trying to put the issue with it into perspective – from a Torah point view, at least.

      Bochurim – especially – can think that they’re crazy or totally messed up when they fall for this, but, in reality, it’s as normal as the struggle of shmiras ainayim in the streets.

      When mashpi’im stigmatize porn as this crazy horrible aveira that is beyond anything else in the world, it doesn’t do anyone any good.

      Ein chadash tachas hashemesh.

      Reply
      1. Sara October 8, 2017 at 9:01 pm

        I see what you’re saying
        You’re talking about the more general educational problem where educators tend to label those being educated according to their actions. For example, your daughter cries because of a minor issue and you call her babyish. Of course she will then believe that she something really is wrong with her, she is babyish. Or calling someone insolent. They will certainly believe they are insolent.
        And the problem goes further with these labeled people living up to what we expect of them… The “babyish” one will act babyish, because that what she is, and same goes for the “insolent” one…

        And of course it’s no different for boys being labeled “crazy” for watching porn, or for any other issue that could be.
        Some boys are labaled “crazy” because they want a coat with a fur collar, other because they don’t like to learn, etc etc.

        I think that’s a problem that has to do with educational communication… Any thoughts?

        Reply
      2. Anonymous October 11, 2017 at 11:55 am

        …or when teachers in lubavitch seminaries or any other Chabad Institution make it seem as if your life, and marriage will be completely ruined if you fall into porn addiction. Its like “Gee, you’re making it really hard right now for all the future addicts of lubavitch to ever have any hope of recovery . Great job. Well done. What a good use of your position as a mechanech.” Drives me insane to no end.
        How about give kids tools and tell them “One day, if life gets to you and you find yourself addicted to something or other, know you can get out and that youre not a bad person.” That seems a little more impactful and powerful. And helpful.

        Reply
        1. Sara November 11, 2017 at 6:14 pm

          Totally agree with you. It’s sad how a mechanech can destroy a life, when their job is to cultivate lives. They have a huge responsibility. And unfortunately many many people in the position of a mechanech do not realize the greatness that it involves and how critical it is that they be competent and know what they’re doing.

          Reply
  4. Leba September 26, 2017 at 12:46 pm

    The isur of not gazing doesn’t mean not to look. The word gazing is used in Hebrew and it’s different than looking: gazing refers to seeing a woman on the street and sexualizing her, u no longer just see a woman but you’re undressing her with your eyes – that is gazing. If u enjoy seeing a woman that is because u are human, and not dead. But the prohibition is Don’t gaze. Don’t take the woman u see and use your imagination to make it pornographic.
    Best of luck to u

    Reply

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