Is Inspiration A Lie?

I want to live in that moment of eye-opening understanding that tells you: This is the reason why you were created.
I want to hold onto that warmth that permeates every single part of me when I close my eyes and sway to the gentle tune of a musical song that reaches my core.
To be fully present. To be honest with my true self. To be in touch with my soul.
It’s in this moment of complete peace that I know everything.
And then, it’s gone.
Like a dove’s feather ripped apart from self in a silent moment of destruction that’s forgotten in no time at all.
I want to live there.
Not on this rocky, hurting, painful land of challenges that call out and trip you every step of the way, deep gashes spurting blood from scraped knees and cut flesh.
Not in this daily grind of responsibility, of routine, of eating and sleeping and running and talking and socializing and and ups and downs and happy-sad mood swings that make me a woman.
Where G-d takes form in those early morning moments as I whisper a prayer and gain strength for the rest of the day. I slip a coin, maybe a dime, a quarter, into my charity box, and I feel connected but then life takes over and It’s so hard to remember.
This truth.
I want to live in that moment, but life’s made up of too many pieces – too many pieces to feel so complete.
And I wonder,
Is inspiration lying to me?
Am I striving for a life that is unattainable, unreachable, antiquated or, dare it be so,impossible?
No. No.
That moment. Of eye opening clarity that tells me: There’s a reason. Ya. A purpose, meaning, explanation for the deep and bloody gashes that batter my broken body, the aching holes of yearning that fill my soul. If He wanted perfect angels as His people, He would have created them.
But He created you and I and the hundreds of other men and women, living, breathing, fighting. Grinding through the day of ups and downs and red’s and blue’s and He takes His all-encompassing hand and gives us moments of understanding. So that we can create from them a whispered morning prayer, a charity can that’s nearly fully. A moment in our hurried day to thank Him for the food that He provides.
And then, when we remember, it’s all the more precious to Him.
Sure, it would be nice to live without a fight.
But who am I to ask the Creator to have created a different world? Who am I to understand His deepest desire?
If all He wants is my sacrifice, my struggle…
Can’t I give it to Him?

1 Comment

  1. Anonymous November 28, 2017 at 1:38 pm

    bh
    your words are so true. how hard it is to stay and feel connected to our truth. i forget that truth indeed lies in this world, yet am reminded by the smallest acts..and still ask, is this the truth…

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