Infatuated Yet Terrified

She’s more concerned
With his pleasure
Than her own pain
Her voice
Once full of inflection
And questions
And personality
Is reduced
To monotone whispers
Uttering sweet nothings
Showing him affection
He doesn’t deserve
She presses her lips
Against his neck
His cologne
Making her head spin
Giving her no chance to reflect
She barely notices
How it stings her tongue
The sensations
Are all consuming
And he’s merely assuming
She wants this
She’s made to believe
She’s asking for it
He wraps a finger
Around a single curl
Little did she know
She was wrapped
Around his finger
He grabs a fistful
And tugs a little
But she can’t find her words
He tugs harder
“Careful, that hurts”
“Not if you follow”
And so her protest
She must swallow
Because it’s easier to give in
Than fight him
He knows
How to turn her no’s
Into yes
By making her feel less
Than him
She confuses
The butterflies
And chills
With the shiver down her spine
From all the
Manipulation and lies
And when she cries
She’s told,
She just needs to try
To love him more
To love him better
But it doesn’t matter
Whether or not
She wants this
He tightens his hold
Around the curve of her side
The warmth of his hand
Comforts her
She looks for the right words
To please him
“You make me feel so delicate”
She means to say
But instead
Comes the fatal Freudian slip
Under the pressure of his grip
“In your arms, I feel so small”
She realizes her admission
How he needs utter submission
To feel like he has her all
She stands frozen in her place
Pressed up, face to face
Under his spell
As she realizes for the first time
She’s stuck in two states
That shouldn’t coexist
She’s infatuated yet terrified
Nobody hears her cries
Because she doesn’t
Say a word to anyone
He’s made her believe
They’ve gone too far to go back
That it’s up to her
To save them
The love she learned
Made her believe
Her respect would be earned
And her voice
Was God’s gift to her
That was meant to be heard
But she was also taught
To love it to commit
So maybe she should
Quiet the voice
And learn to submit?
She thought she knew
What love was about
She tells herself she loves him
Because
in this trance, she feels
there’s no way out
And so she continues
To bolster his ego
Lean on his shoulder
Tousle his hair
Assure him she cares
And whisper in his ear
Only things he wants to hear
For fear of finding an exit.

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