In The Now

Hashem, after all that you have given me, do I have the nerve to ask why I’m 39 and single?

I decided to give up rather than keep hoping. Because when I keep asking and don’t get answered, I get mad. I throw a tantrum at Hashem.

You see, He has given me everything that any girl would want. Health, career, looks, money, friends, and a great family. Do I have the audacity to ask for more? Well I did. And the answer was not now, or maybe not ever.

I’m not going to ask any longer with the expectation of being answered. Because if I do, our relationship will be a dysfunctional one. Like a marriage where all one does is take and take. I’m going to be grateful and shut my mouth. I’ll try to quiet the hope.

I’ll try to be in the moment. In the here and now, I’m happy. In the here and now, I have all that I need. That’s my job, to be grateful for the now.

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3 Comments

  1. Chaim W. January 22, 2018 at 11:16 am

    Hang in there. Hashem will provide for you.

    Reply
  2. Journeyman January 23, 2018 at 11:53 pm

    That sounds so empowered. And pained.

    I’ve recently been working on allowing myself to hope even though I may very well be disappointed with the outcome.

    I hope for you that you continue to find happiness while alone, and some day soon find happiness in a life partner!

    Reply
  3. inthenow January 31, 2018 at 10:11 am

    thank you both for your encouraging words.

    Reply

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