I.

You’re full of it
Who do you think you are
Killing me from the inside out
You traitor
Taking the one person who loves you for real all the way
The only one
Truly
And you squeezed her
Till she couldn’t breathe
And laughed in her face
Tore off every good thing about her
Magnetized every one of her vulnerabilities
And then blamed her
And blamed your story and life
And everyone else who came in contact with you
Yet these were all choices
Your blame was your choice
Your ending was your choice
My choice was the consequence of your choices
And I cry and scream in pain with all the parts of me
Even the ***(my name) is trembling and withering in hurt
And soreness
Tired and suspicious
Of this world
And I’m sad
And scared
And mourn what I thought we were
What we could have had
What we were meant to me
But your shitty choices
Ruined it all
And even tho I feel like dying some times
At least I can feel the inextinguishable uncomfortable uncontrollable pain of wanting to die
Because you can’t
You led your life to cut out all emotion
You rather dance 2 lives and have it all but
You really grasped nothing
You have nothing
Nothing
Because you can’t have all your selfish desires quenched and then try to give in to someone else’s desires
You parasite
Sucking all of me for you but not ever for me
Never
Always you
Even when it felt like me that was a camouflage leading to your benefit
Ya I know you had it sucky
Everyone does
Yet your damn choices
Define you
And you suck
Sick
Because you preach all the preachin
And say all the right things when it pleases you and your animal
But your preach of “Gd don’t give you what you can’t handle”
Obviously never applied to you
So your life was too much to handle
And instead of asking for help
And using your natural resourcefulness to figure shit out and help yourself
You used all that to dance in both worlds and really crawl a deaths crawl in both
We all felt it
Except you thought you could keep doing this
And fooling the world
Because you had something healthy people don’t have
No feeling
No conscience
Pure selfishness
And yet that was your downfall
You were handed a golden cure on diamond studded fighter jet adorned as ***(my name) and all that she comes with and you shoved it down your ass
And stamped on me
All of me
My self worth
My talents
My family
My friends
My vulnerabilities
***(my name)
But I’m not you
And I won’t blame you or anyone else anymore
I’m going to finally take some of your ways
I’m gonna use you
Use you as another one of my shiny stepping stones to be a better kick ass ***(my name)
And fly heights that you don’t even know exist or comprehend
And when you do see me one day
You won’t recognize me
I’ll have a different last name
My body won’t be yours
It’ll be held and protected by someone far more important than you
It’ll be held by me and my beloved
And you won’t even see the half of it
Cuz that’s something I tried to help you with
The emotional world
That I’m still learning about
But it’s the real world
For the strong resilient real people
Cheers to true bravery
When I got my get
And my signed civil divorce papers
Cheers to my fighting spirit and power
Who was able to cry on demand bc I have the emotional strength to go back to the place of agony you put me in
Cheers to true support
That I have bc gd blessed me
And I deserve it
Bc I’m gd’s only daughter
And I asked for help
And got it
They say the teacher only comes when the student is ready
You were never ready yet I and my family arranged your teachers and masters to come to you begging you to let them help you
And you fucked them all
You hurt me
I’m so broken and shaken from your actions of my old worse half
I wish I never married you
I wish
Why did you lie to me
You took advantage of me
And cheated me
Cheated on me
Cheating on your life
Cheated on gd
And for that I can only try to forgive the little boy that was hurt so badly from the people he was meant to trust
But I can’t forgive the big ***(his name)
Big **(his name) has choices like the rest of us
And you choose bad
And hurt me so badly
How could you hurt your wife
Your only
Your love
The one you promised to be faithful to and guard
You knew I took the biggest chance on you
Not from what I saw
But what I could see you be
It was a mistake
I should have never given you a chance
You don’t deserve my chance
You deserve to get better
And realize the pain you did to me
Again and again
And a fucking ‘gain
And me is also my family
I can’t forgive you for hurting my other extensions
I never want to see you again
If you dare come near me or anyone I love I’ll kill you
You try to marry anyone I’ll tell them
Bc no one deserves to be hurt by you
Especially you
Stop hurting yourself
Stop that cycle
Stop it
It’s enough
You owe me an apology
You owe me acknowledgment of everything you did to me and how it broke me and shattered me
You owe me on your hands and knees begging me to forgive you
You owe my parents and my siblings and my grandparents and family a big apology
You owe me years of life and pain back
You owe me money
You owe my parents money
You owe me my virginity
You owe me my naivety
You owe me my trust
You owe me all the times you put me in an unsafe place and vulnerable situations
You owe me
To take this all away
And you won’t be able to
And yet I will one day forgive you
Regardless
Because I will not let you take away anymore of me
I will move on from you and all that you belong to
And I will rise
And be happy and confident
And thankful
And praise gd
And cry
And trust
And love
And I will thrive
And excel in all that I love
And have a beautiful husband and family

And I will have It all very soon
And I pledge to educate others
To make better choices than I did with you
And I
I
I.

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