It is in those moments of pure hell where you are being held by Gd.My feet don’t seem to ever touch the ground as I sit in the palm of G-d’s hand as He carries me on through the deepest jungles and the darkest Forrest’s towards the promised land.
It’s not that it got any better, I heard myself say, it’s that I began to feel what had been there all along, I began to see a light that had drifted on by until I reached out and caught it with both hands.
Hashem, you have carried me. Held me. Sustained me. Ensured that there is no pain in me. Because even when I feel like I’m standing on shards of glass that make that painful feeling last, I know that this pain is incomparable to what I could be feeling. And it ensured that I knew this all had meaning.From pain to purpose, from in vain to absolutely certain that these experiences were what I needed, that this fight is the good fight.
So, don’t take flight until you understand that with everything that happens G-d has the upper hand. That you are seeing a pin head in the time line, that your purpose and this purpose is part of a long spiral that will only bring you up.
And, yes it hurts and it’s hard and those feelings are there inside of you, but you only have to look around for one second to realize that you are being held so tightly by Gd that His light is coming out of you.
Sometimes I wish I had answers. I look out up to the sky and cry out with desperation in my lungs, trying not to drown in the challenges that have been sent to try me, test me, bring out the best in me. But I know that even when I cry, even when I beg for answers, even when the clouds are so thick that I can’t see beyond the tears in my eyes, that I just need to keep holding on. Because Hashem you’ve always got me.
Emunah is being loyal to the knowledge that you have of your relationship with Hashem. Hashem, you have never let me down, so even if I’m lost I know that I will be found by You. I know that no matter how cloudy it gets, no matter how hard it becomes, You will keeping holding me, pushing me, walking with me.
‘She-asa Li Kol Sarki’ You have given everything I need to me. And so, even when it’s dark or cold or I’m not feeling that empowering boldness to live and thrive and love and guide myself forward, I know that You will never fail to provide, never fail to keep me alive, because I sit in the palm of Your hand. You are Hashem, My Gd, who brought me out of Egypt 2000 years ago, and still today.