Facing The Demons

Sometimes I have no words for the way I have been treated by Rabbis. To the extent that I am exceedingly wary of them, do not trust them and often think that they are narcissistic personalities who have passed an exam so that they can rule the lives of others. As a professional, I have been told that my secular education is worth nothing and should be ignored, that if I don’t practice in the way the Torah dictates, then anything I say should be discarded as nonsense.
Today I had to face the anger within me towards them.

I had an appointment to go and see a rabbi and his wife about their child. I went to see them at their place. They showed up a half an hour late, which kept me waiting outside. I usually only ever see people in my office and always charge, but there is something about me that can’t charge the Rabbi. I was furious by the time they arrived, not willing to listen to any excuses and my held in anger exploded at high volume.

They offered to pay me and I turned and put the money in their tzedoka box, telling them it was not about the money but about the respect.

I left and sat outside for a while in despair, because I knew they really needed to see me.

For some unexplained reason, I worked up the courage to go back in and sit down. I knew my anger had been exaggerated and I also knew that they were good people who had suffered greatly.

We sat for two hours discussing their situation which is utterly heartbreaking-
We ended up crying together- there was no other emotion to express.
I apologized and asked for forgiveness – they apologized too.

This is humanity.
I faced it head on .

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