Drowning In A Sea Of Black

I wanted to die yesterday
I want to die today
I want to die tomorrow
I want to die the day after next
It never stops
It never just gets better
It’s never just a matter of time
It’s not physical
It’s not funny anymore
I am tired
I am confused
I am hurt
I don’t know what to say
I don’t know what to do
I do the wrong thing
I say the wrong thing
I know why I stay
I don’t know why I care though
It’s been a long road
I know I don’t wanna end it
It’s just very hard
And no one quite understands
All I want is a friend
A friend who will love me as much as I love her
One day
One day is what I’m waiting for.

When people tell me what to do
When people tell me how to live
When people judge
When people criticize
When people hear but don’t listen
When people listen but don’t understand
When people discriminate
When people only know one side

I feel anger coming into my legs pushing into my chest and my arms
I feel it in every vein I have
It’s glides through faster than the scotch on Purim
It is much darker than Purim
It is much less happy than Purim
It is more like Yom Kippur
I wish I could love
I wish I could feel
I wish I could believe
What am I waiting for?
Love? Empathy? Recognition?
I don’t know.

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  1. Mendel March 29, 2017 at 10:38 am

    Sending love

  2. Anon-eye-mouse. April 2, 2017 at 4:06 pm

    You are loved by this stranger. Hang in there.

  3. Anonymous April 28, 2017 at 3:11 pm

    Sending lots of love your way

  4. Anonymous September 17, 2018 at 10:35 am

    Been there, sending love


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