Dear Lady In Shul

Dear Lady in Shul,

You said good Yom Tov to me. Fine.
You said you didn’t see me around lately and wanted to know where I work. Not fine.
It’s not fine at all because you reminded me that I don’t work and that I rarely come outside.
You reminded me of the demons that chase me each day.
Of the anxieties that pursue me.
You reminded me that there’s a gap between the place that I stand and the rest of society.
You reminded me of that and for that I hate myself.
For that I hate you.
For that I have a hard time living with myself.
And that every day is a new struggle.
And you so casually asked where I work and yet you caused a whirlwind of emotions.
Yes, lady. I’m looking for a job.

3 Comments

  1. Mayer Bloom October 30, 2017 at 7:45 pm

    I sense that you are in a lot of pain because you don’t have a job. Understandably so. Been there, done that.
    However, respectfully, perhaps you’re coming down a bit hard on that woman. She’s just asking you about your job! Hopefully, no harm was intended by her request. We don’t want to turn into a society where nobody can ask anyone anything, because of a fear of offending.
    Do something good for yourself. Treat yourself to something special. G-d willing, that job will come. Have hope – you are exactly where Hashem intended you to be.

    Reply
  2. With Love October 30, 2017 at 11:46 pm

    For people in my life who are struggling with mental illness or who are in less than ideal situations they find that having answers memorised/prepared can really help them. So that instead of having to think of what to say each time they get asking – they have a list of closed and boring answers that don’t prompt people to ask further questions, but they also aren’t exactly true – just designed to get people off your back…

    Reply
    1. 900windows October 31, 2017 at 12:47 am

      I love what ‘With Love’ said, for a lot of reasons(though now retired, I hated being asked about ‘work’…..there are many kinds of work, and some are unpaid, and some are at home, but it can be implied – whether the lady in shul meant this or not, isn’t the point: it made you *feel*that way, which is what matters, dear Neshama, and I understand, empathise, and send you much love – it can make one feel ‘less than’, or other such feelings.

      To ‘With Love’…..thank you for an excellent suggestion, which has multiple uses, and which will help me immensely, too, in my own situation.

      Reply

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