Dear Cousins

Dear cousins,

We don’t know each other we haven’t actually met each other maybe once. We share the same great-great-grandparents. Your grandma is my grandma’s cousin. Nothing more, nothing less.
Today you let me, and with me a lot of others, share the most intimate and heartbreaking moment in your lives. The levaya of your mother who died in an accident.
I was touched by the immense grief I still hear your screaming. It hurts me, your aunt, your grandma, your father totally broken. It echoes in my brain. I will think of you and among all the mourners of Zion and Yerushalayim.

I have seen I did things differently than other family members. I was not paying attention to you guys. I did not embrace you or kiss you like others did. That’s the job of your close family and friends, who are standing nearby you. Just before I left I wished you strength and I said Hamakom and said you are always welcome to swing by when you are in this site of the country.

I was especially touched by the chemistry you had with this orthodox Rabbi M. At 16/17 saying kaddish it is heartbreaking. The Rabbi supported you all the way through it. He was taking care of you, comforted you. I hope you always will have spiritual support from him and also for you as a daughter who can’t shop anymore with her mother or travel with her, as you said at the levaya.

Our family left religion years ago. Our generation is almost secular, except me who became Orthodox, which is, for me, no problem. We know where our family has been through during WWII. There are things I want to tell you about the Tailor who says on Yom Kippur to Hashem ”I only have done minor sins but You Hashem have committed grievous sins You have taken away mothers from my children and children from their mothers. Let’s call it even if you forgive me I will forgive you.”

The Berdichev rebbe said: ” ‘’ Why did you let Hashem off so easily with that argument? You could force him to redeem all of Israel.” A story that says that Hashem could be found even in anger.

We don’t know why Hashem has taken your mother away. I want to say: ”You are allowed to blame Him and be angry at Him and let Him hear your outcry.”

These are the things which have been stuck in my mind this whole day and I know this would not help you right now. You don’t want to hear this. But I write this down and maybe I will never have the chance to say this to you maybe I will not. And that is ok. We don’t know each other, you don’t need to take anything that I say.

The only thing I can say and do now is praying for you, your close family who are in enormous grief. From this day on, every time I think of you I will say Tehilim. I will ask Hashem to comfort you, support you in everything you do, that Hashem will hear your outcry and save you. That Hashem brings refua shlema to your father who is injured in this accident and that He will heal the inner and outer wounds of him and for you.

Dear cousins, I hope the next time I will see you it is a time of Simcha. And that, in the rest of your lives, you will only experience simchas. That your mother’s neshama make an aliyah to Gan Eden and that Mosiach will come.


Your third cousin,

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