Connecting To Others

I grew up your typical Chabad guy, went to yeshivah and on shlichus. Keep shabbos and kosher etc.
But it all began when I reached the age of around 22-23. The whole dreaded dating game.
People suggesting names for me when they don’t really know me. And when I tell that person that I am not interested, they tell me off for not trying. And a shaddchan getting offended when they suggest a name that I do not like the look of that person and I tell them that and again they tell me to look at what is on the inside and not the outside. Why is it so hard to understand that part of loving someone is also liking their looks?

How dare they tell me how to feel and tell me what i want? It’s my life that I will be spending with the other person, we are not just two objects that should learn to love each other, we are two people that would like to know and have a level of love and attraction to each other before we both decide as two adults that we want to spend our lives together.

They say there is a shidduch crisis. Then why is it so shunned for one guy to message another girl and ask her out?

I am sure that if this was not the case more guys would have more confidence to ask out the girl he likes or vice versa. I think the whole thing of when asked how did you meet and you reply “I did it myself” no one has any clue how to respond.

I think it’s time for people to take the risk and just ask out the person they like. Yes, you may get rejected but just like you can say no to a name so can the other person. And maybe just maybe people can start to go out with the girl they like and not be told to go out with someone that someone else said is a good idea then pressure you to like them.

PS: I know I said that they can say no to you, but at the same time… having a few times gotten the guts to actually ask out a few girls that I knew (They had the personality that I was looking for and the looks), when they are single and looking… Am I asking to much for them to say let’s give it just one shot and see how it goes?

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  1. Michael October 11, 2017 at 11:18 am

    Victim mentality? Everyone does what works for them. And whatever they have the confidence to do.

  2. Chava October 11, 2017 at 1:04 pm

    Do it!! Many of “older couples” actually met like that. We just didn’t publicize 20 years ago. My holy husband asked me out. I applauded his guts!

  3. Stacey October 11, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    I think your attitude is right on!
    Do things the way you want, be the person you want to be, unfortunately, frum people are way too black & white, it’s a big turn off..(to me).
    Think outside the box, make your own rules, Judaism is a guide, not a death sentence!! The Ten Commandments were written in stone, be you, do you, you’re already a great guy, just be brace & approach any woman with a compliment! No ‘shidduch’ needed for that! Be spontaneous, you’ll meet your soulmate by asking Hashem to send you exactly who you’re meant to be with!!!! Good luck!!


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