An Island Entire Of Itself

I heard once
That no man is an island entire of itself
Does this extend to women I wonder
as I sit on the bus
An island
Watching the rain fall on the window
It’s so fogged that I can’t actually tell where we are
or where we’re going
Breath does that you see
Being alive is sometimes, well, foggy
I wonder if it would feel any different if I was outside
If it was sunny
If it was dry and warm and blue
I would still not know which way to go
Which way leads away from alone and towards,
well, towards.
When I was a child I remember having an impossible time learning my left from my right
Every morning the teacher would ask us to stand and put our right hands over our hearts to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag
I could never get it right
Maybe it’s because I felt no allegiance to that flag
Maybe it’s because even then,
I understood that direction would never really be my thing
Maybe it’s because I don’t know which side my heart is on
Maybe it’s not on a side, my heart
Maybe it’s an island too
Surrounded by water
And walls
Now, I sit inside my tiny apartment
An island
Quite literally surrounded by water as I hear the rain making music that should make me feel included
Music that should make me feel loved
Safe
The rain taps, the thunder booms, the lightening cracks, the wind cries
Right now every home is connected by this collective sound of our shared world
But here inside my tiny island
It’s quiet
It’s empty
It’s only me, my heart, my hands
my breathing
And all I feel is cold

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