Alone Forever

No matter where I place myself in life, I constantly struggle to connect and make friends with the people I am around. I’m almost 40, and I have no true friends.

To make matters worse, I live far away from my family. I feel so alone.

Adding to that, I’m Frei, and I’m no longer living or practicing the Orthodox customs I grew up knowing.

I’m in place, in middle of nowhere, with no help, no hope, no happiness.

I feel that I don’t belong with the secular world, and I don’t belong with the religious world. There is no place for me.

Sadly, I feel like I have so many skills, and so much to offer to this world. But I’m apparently not wanted. Not in any walk of life.

There are pills, yes. There is therapy, yes. But those both don’t seem to be the answers to my problems.

3 Comments

  1. Fellow Lost Soul November 9, 2017 at 6:53 pm

    Happiness as you low key said indeed comes from giving. Giving, sharing, doing acts of kindness brings us happiness. And its true that if you feel what you want to give is not being received.. Comes the opposite of happiness Gd forbid.
    And happiness on another level comes from fulfillment and from a feeling of purpose.
    You chose your own path in your life. We all choose our own paths. We have to stop and think – is this what I need to accomplish what I want to accomplish? Is this the right way for me to live? Do I believe in what I do?
    And there’s so much more to reflect on we could go crazy. The main thing is to stay focused figure yourself out believe in your self find a community where you feel you belong build a loving family make your strength shine recognize your qualities and improve them and keep on searching growing and believing.
    I’m in this with you, and aren’t we all

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  2. Zen Jew November 10, 2017 at 12:15 am

    I hear you. As someone who struggles with depression for most of my life I can understand where you are at. I hope tomorrow is a better day…

    Reply
  3. Anonymous November 11, 2017 at 12:05 pm

    I feel your pain intensely, as I often struggle with the same thing.What has helped me, is when I am involved with others,who may be less fortunate than me, those who need nurturing, attention and care I begin to feel less lonely and find solace in giving to others.
    Shabbos is the hardest time, because no distractions to soothe the pain. So I decided much better than sitting in shul and not connecting to those around me nor connecting with HaShem the way I would want as the mind wanders and I day dream, I decided to visit an elderly lady, about 95, who is warm, attentive, curious and gracious. By being with this lady, I connect to HaShem, to myself and to another person and give her comfort.. When I leave, I feel uplifted and and comforted once again
    Also, I have two cats, who are warm and endearing. there is such need to rescue so many wonderful animals. if you can afford it, and have the time, space and energy, avail yourself of this opportunity. you will be glad you did. Even more outrageous is a talking parrot; it will get you out of yourself and your depression real fast, and put a giggle in your heart and on your face.

    so this week, I urge you to volunteer, even for a couple of hour or so and also go visit the animal rescue center, even if you don’t walk away with a pet, at least its a beginning. you will be back to visit trust me. and lastly, consider taking a Zumba class. By the release of endorphins while you dance your spirit will fly!!!! good luck on your journey,

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