Trigger warning for miscarriage: disturbing description, although not detailed I remember first learning about the family purity laws. They appeared, to me, mysterious laws. Why should a wife and husband separate during and somewhat after…
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Why I Stopped Going To The Mikvah
I don’t go to the mikvah anymore. For many years I did, and it wasn’t terrible. The balaniot were always nice. But the process to get there was a monthly struggle between my religion and…
Open Your Eyes I Am Just Like You
Open Your Eyes, I Am Just Like You! Say whatever you want, I am still a good Jew! Bright eyed and happy a new life I began. I never knew I would be forced to…
Buckle Up and Listen, Because We’ve Had Enough.
Trigger warning for homophobia and suicidality. If you’re queer and not in a great place mentally, maybe skip this one and come back when you’re feeling more stable. Ok. Look. I’ve written about this kind…
Oh Where Did The Davening Go?
The title of this entry is a play on the words of a Fall Out Boy song, “oh where did the party go”. It’s a song that would definitely not jive with the facade of…
Final Immersion
I fill up the tub with water, take out my earrings, wipe off my makeup and get ready for the bath I make my preparations as I have done many times before I sink my body…
Thank You For Ignoring Me
All the times Gd didn’t listen and it worked out better… or it didn’t. Thank you for not listening I don’t know if it’s a female trait ( does this make me a female chauvinist?…
So, Now What?
As I climbed up the three steps, water dripping from my body, I wrapped myself in the towel that my mentor was holding for me, her eyes averted. As the warmth of the towel took…
Letter to My Abuser
To my abuser, What can I say to you, who has taken so much from me? Where do I start when it has taken me thirty years to finally acknowledge what you did to me?…
No Barriers Allowed
Sitting on the cold bathroom tiles, I’m clutching my knees. There are marks where my clipped fingernails have dug into my skin. I shiver because I am stripped bare. I shake because my heart feels…