The last time I went to the mikvah was in May of 2017. It was then that I said my goodbyes. My ex husband and I were giving it one more month, a last ditch…
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Miscarriage And The Mikvah: Respecting My Unborn Child
Trigger warning for miscarriage: disturbing description, although not detailed I remember first learning about the family purity laws. They appeared, to me, mysterious laws. Why should a wife and husband separate during and somewhat after…
Why I Stopped Going To The Mikvah
I don’t go to the mikvah anymore. For many years I did, and it wasn’t terrible. The balaniot were always nice. But the process to get there was a monthly struggle between my religion and…
The Double Trauma Of Being Careful In Quarantine
I remember when the ominous news started trickling in from the Modern Orthodox communities I’m connected to. More and more cases all connected to a single man. Shuls shutting down. Community rabbonim banning Shabbos guests…
August 19th
“Good shabbos. You’re new here, right? I think we met last month.” The mikvah lady looks at me quizzically. No, I sigh to myself. We did not meet last month. We met fourteen days ago,…
Open Your Eyes I Am Just Like You
Open Your Eyes, I Am Just Like You! Say whatever you want, I am still a good Jew! Bright eyed and happy a new life I began. I never knew I would be forced to…
Buckle Up and Listen, Because We’ve Had Enough.
Trigger warning for homophobia and suicidality. If you’re queer and not in a great place mentally, maybe skip this one and come back when you’re feeling more stable. Ok. Look. I’ve written about this kind…
Oh Where Did The Davening Go?
The title of this entry is a play on the words of a Fall Out Boy song, “oh where did the party go”. It’s a song that would definitely not jive with the facade of…
Final Immersion
I fill up the tub with water, take out my earrings, wipe off my makeup and get ready for the bath I make my preparations as I have done many times before I sink my body…
Thank You For Ignoring Me
All the times Gd didn’t listen and it worked out better… or it didn’t. Thank you for not listening I don’t know if it’s a female trait ( does this make me a female chauvinist?…